"I struggle ceaselessly with the aspect of myself that clings to the fragile comfort of words and sentences. Our familiar Western mode of thinking -- purged of intuition and leery of experiences not reproducible in written form -- is like a clear membrane stretched taut around our senses, but no less insidious in its seeming transparency.
Lately, especially, it seems as if my real life unfolds in the narcotic oblivion of sleep; my dream-world, for all of its ominous vistas and intimations of cataclysm, exerts an inexplicably nostalgic allure. For whatever reason, I feel oddly welcome strolling the ruined hotels and depopulated suburbs that have come to dominate my sleep. There appears to be coherent, if tenuous, logic to this silent and jaundiced realm -- arguably more so than what greets me while awake and rational.
I've come to tentatively identify with the role of the shaman. Upon waking, my mind feels ponderous with ideas seeking escape; a portal has been opened, but a portal to where, exactly? And what, if anything, should I do with this freight of unsolicited weirdness?
My dream-world grows less diffuse -- more palpable -- with every visit, recalling the idea that powerfully envisioned thought-forms can assume fleeting physical existence. If such an alchemical process is indeed at work, the repercussions for my "real" existence are troubling. Maybe the only way to break the feedback cycle -- to decisively sever the ouroboros that my psyche's inexorably becoming -- is to opt out of the wide-awake domain of language, syntax and the necessarily diminishing fiction of 'either/or'."
- Mac Tonnies, PHB post 2/27/09
(Photo: Mac Tonnies, 2000)
As you'll note, Mac wrote this post - "More Than The Sum of Our Parts" - in February of last year. I believe it reflected intimations of the journey he would be inevitably be taking in October... a journey that he unconsciously anticipated, and one that he would, in time, embrace. I will explore this concept in my next (midnight) post, which will be my last post until the last week of the month, at which point I will finally, formally bring Post-Mac Blues full-circle and set it free.
Meanwhile, there should be some cyber-activity over the the next few days relating to Mac, and I will try and keep track of it.
UPDATE: I notice that Paul Kimball has posted Remembering Mac, announcing a Radio Misterioso show - a tribute to Mac - featuring he and Greg Bishop. It takes place at 11 PM (EST) tonight, and I think we all want to be there.
I'm going to post the video that accompanied Mac's post. When I first viewed it, I thought it was an unusual, uncharacteristic choice for Posthuman Blues, but, all things considered, perhaps not. Video below.