Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Loving the Alien

An alien to love... Pitajia - photo by "Tauart".
(click to enlarge)

"To my surprise, all of the aliens were human-looking. Moreover, all were female and quite beautiful. They told me, via telepathy, that they reproduced through parthogenesis and that their typical lifespan was 5,000 years. Then they lectured me about global warming and stuck a suction cup-like device into my left nostril.

What a great time. Maybe they'll come back."

- Mac Tonnies via this September, 2005 Posthuman Blues post

"As I had suspected (and described in my account of my previous experience with the spacewomen), these space travelers adopt the anatomy of desirable female celebrities selected from television transmissions. In my case, the entire crew of aliens resembled either Angelina Jolie, Jessica Alba or Natalie Portman. Interestingly, this distinction isn't frivolous or motivated by aesthetic sensibilities; the different personae are used both to help delegate responsibilities on board the ship (duties ranging from navigation to xenoforming) and to assist in their contacts with Earthlings (or "Terrans," as we're known among the spacewomen)."

- Mac Tonnies via this February, 2006 Posthuman Blues post
(For a footnote to the above article, see this 2006 PHB post)

"Before Boas was escorted off the "spaceship," the woman pointed significantly to her abdomen and in the direction of the sky. Advocates of the Extraterrestrial Hypothesis have interpreted this as a reference to the woman's ET heritage, but at the same time they've effectively ignored the troublesome prospect of genetic compatibility. Granted that Boas had intercourse with an extraterrestrial, what are the chances that two independently evolved humanoid species could "mate" in any viable sense?

In "Revelations," Jacques Vallee compares the feasibility of conceiving a human-alien hybrid to that of a human attempting to breed with an insect. Certainly, if Boas encountered a genuine ET, then "they" have achieved a most remarkable degree of impersonation -- not an altogether impossible achievement for a civilization capable of traveling between stars but one that arouses substantial skepticism. The law of parsimony begs the speculation that the beings who abducted Boas were human in at least some essential respects."

- Mac Tonnies, via this January, 2009 Posthuman Blues post

Well, okay, the beautiful alien above does not resemble an insect - although something tells me that Mac would've preferred the wistful Pitajia anyway - but, if you insist upon seeing female insect hybrids - and Mac would've for sure - mysterious Russian photographer "Tau"
has an image of those as well... and several more gorgeous, unearthly girls, (including another shot of the lovely Pitajia).

While it's true that alien lovers are not a new development in pop culture, they do seem to have gained a lot of ground in recent years. I mean, it's not like one can go into a retail store, step up to the cosmetic counter and request a bottle of "Eau de Alien" or anything like that, but... oh, wait a minute, yes, you can!

A "Nordic" alien wench, surely...

Actually, that's how this post evolved. My star reporter, Dana Tonnies, wandered into a retail store recently - the kind where babes, armed with perfume bottles, spritz you to death as you walk by - and was offered a shot of something called "Alien Essence". So, I got on the case and, turns out, the full name of this little gem is "Alien Essence Absolue," one in a series of Alien scents designed by Thierry Mugler. Apparently, the bottle of this one was deliberately designed to resemble a woman's buttocks. So, I'm guessing this is a subliminal prompt for men to buy their GFs an expensive gift... (mostly 'cause something tells me that few women would grab a perfume bottle off the shelf because it looks like her, uh, hindquarters... except, maybe, Jennifer Lopez... who probably has hers insured).

These "intergalactic" purple bottles (an earlier version) are kind of cool though... 

Anyway, so, while on the case, I kept coming up with all these other aliens - a whole page of contemporary "alien" confections that I somehow missed the past few years... such as  "alien" Katie Perry from her 2011 ET video. (Oh, and before I forget, this just in from the Daily GrailKaty Perry Believes In Aliens, Plans To Ask Obama About Them.)

And, here's another trendy page with a special bonus... and, trust me, boys, if you're feeling lonely, have they got a "love doll" for you: the "Area 51" edition! (Girls, take note: this makes a great "parting-shot" gift for the ex-BF you now despise.) (And, then again, let's not forget about "sexbots"!)

Yo Katie, take me to your hairdresser... seriously!

Speaking of love dolls, emphasis on the latter, you may be familiar with the name, Valeria Lukyanova, that Ukrainian model who, with the help of nature - and a surgeon - has managed to become a living doll. But, wait, it seems that Lukyanova has a higher purpose in life than you might expect. In fact, she has come to this planet to promote her alien spiritual values, and is spreading the word with a documentary: "Space Barbie"!  Apart from surreal, it's almost indescribable... where's Mac's interpretation when we need it?

(News flash: Space Barbie has a counterpart, Space Ken!)

Lastly, coming to a theater near you this year, is a film designed to get under your skin, in more ways than one... with an alien temptress who looks a lot like Scarlett Johansson in a black wig. Why, I'll be damned...

Beware, beware... your "nether regions" might be the preferred entry point for her form of brain surgery.
(Correction: make that "brain extraction"...)

...It is Scarlett Johansson in a black wig!

"Under the Skin," a film by noted filmmaker, Jonathan Glazer, and based on the novel by Michel Faber, already has its detractors, but, you be the judge: here's the trailer.

Then again, I'm nothing if not thorough, so allow me to leave you with "alien love" from a feminine perspective:

Now there's an attention grabber... but, really, Octopus men?

PS  Hmmm... but, how about a hug from this Alien Girl?

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